Sunday, September 17, 2017

I Can Never Watch A Movie In One Sitting

And I don't know why! It's not like I have a short attention span, but I just get really, really sleepy after a while. Even if the movie's good.

Funny thing is, I never get sleepy when I watch movies in the cinema - only when I watch it on my television set (you'll be surprised at how many movie DVDs are available in the library for loan - major blockbusters included.

I just feel my eyelids getting increasingly heavier, and soon, I start being unable to concentrate because I'm just so... sleepy! I'm not sure if it's because I'm straining my eyes watching a small screen, or I just feel so safe (remember my paranoia about  serial killers in the theatre?), or the subconscious realisation that I can pause or rewind the film if I fall asleep in the theatre.

My sister (whom I share a TV with) was annoying me yesterday, so I threatened her with "Stop it or I'll watch two movies at one go and you can't watch!!". And she, thoroughly unimpressed, went "PLEASE you never watch two movies at a time *makes exaggerated sleepy expression*".

Same thing with Pie who always teases me in many different ways about inability to stay awake HA.

But I'm just a naturally sleepy girl! 

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

The Lunchtime Dilemma

I was feeling quite productive today and my wisdom tooth infection was pretty much out of the way, AND I wanted to have lunch outside the the office today.

Thought I'd go to the nearby Indian/western cafe for lunch. The food's good, place smells incredible, and everything is priced reasonably. But I went a bit later,  so my oh my,  it was too crowded for comfort. As awesome as the place smelled, I made the decision to head somewhere else. And come back at like.. 12 pm sharp later this week.

Reviewed all my choices (as many choices as I can get in this area) and went somewhere else for lunch - somewhere I could get a seat. Decided to vet a cup of tea too and asked for iced tea (it's hot in Singapore hey). And did I look horrified at the $2.20 price or what (I probably did, and I even wanted to change my order but was embarrassed too) because the guy at the counter suddenly said, 

"Or would like hot tea? We have a promotion now - it's $1!"

I said yes very very thankfully. :D Oh the serial penny pincher strikes again.

But really, it's not so much of the cost I guess. I mean, I pay $3.30 for bubble tea (a.k.a one of my guiltiest pleasures)  without hesitation. But to pay twice the price for an  iced version is just too much for my stingy thrifty mind!

One thing about hot drinks though is that they're so.... Hot. Which is why I usually opt for their cold counterparts. Because they're very much safer for a klutz like me. And sure I did have problems getting the top opened because the (paper/ surface was really too scorching hot to the touch! But I did it anyway, so yay me. And I was really inclined to drink with my spoon but eventually decided against that.

Might give myself a treat tomorrow if all is well! And I'm so sleepy because I feel like I had dreams all night long!

Monday, September 11, 2017

The Cake That Never Got Eaten

And it was a mighty luscious cake, I must add.

So last Friday afternoon, I bought a small piece of cake - a new Lychee one that my colleague bought for us to try. It's so.... light, mouss-ey and whip-creamy (yes no such words but I don't care HAHA). I was so excited to bring it home to celebrate the end of the week!

AND THEN I FORGOT TO TAKE IT HOME. 

I only remembered when I was on the way home, and was too lazy to walk back to get it. In case you are wondering, I'm one of the lucky ones whose office is within walking distance - about 25 minutes from my home. I was already about 10 - 15 minutes into my journey... So as excited as I was... I was so tired that day (what's new?) that I decided to just leave it till Monday.

Over the weekend, I had my second wisdom tooth infection attack in a month, but that's a story for another day. I'll tell you though, that the discomfort (and perhaps antibiotics too) made me feel a bit slow and woozy in the morning. So instead of wasting time savouring my cake at work, I thought I'd take it home to enjoy as an after-dinner dessert.

AND THEN I FORGOT TO TAKE IT HOME (AGAIN). 

This time, I realised it when I was still in my office building. So I went back to grab my cake. And left the building, all happy and excited. I mean... CAKE! After a weekend of pain in my jaw and hardly eating anything!

10 minutes into my walk home....

I REALISED THAT I DIDN'T DO MY USUAL RITUAL OF CHECKING 10 TIMES IF I LOCKED MY OFFICE DOOR. 

UGH **** THIS. I headed back, or my night would have been spent chasing after my overactive imagination of arriving to see an empty and completely looted office tomorrow. (I did lock it, of course, as usual - just needed the assurance).

So later, like I always do - told B about little thing that happened during my day... and he asked "So the cake was in the fridge all weekend?".

Well, yeah, and possibly Thursday night... And Friday... and oh yeah Monday too!

And I knew B was a bit concerned about the shelf life of the cake (but I am quite the volcano sometimes when people TELL me not to do stuff), so he didn't push it too much after reminding me that cakes generally last for 4 day. Also because he asked some follow-up questions and Greedy Shu Rin was so unwilling to give up the cake that she gave really vague answers! And he knows I don't have a strong stomach haha - the number of times I've had tummyache episodes are countless!

At this point, I decided to take the bus home instead (Read: Why I prefer walking home. And I Googled "How long can I keep cake" - something like that. And at the same time, I remembered:

And oh, the fridge might have been unplugged from the power source for the entire weekend.

Ah.

I guess it's not advisable to eat the cake, even though it cost me $3.80? :(

So with great sadness and regret (and guilt, because I hate wasting food)... I dumped the cake.

Which might have been a good thing. The pipes in my block burst today - and the (very hardworking and capable) workers went door-to-door just before midnight to inform residents that they'll be repairing the pipes, so there won't be any water from 12 midnight to 5 am. Which is about the time I'll get a tummy upset (I'm very experienced with tummy upsets because I get them just about all the time). So I guess throwing away the cake was worth it.

I really have to be less forgetful.

And thank you for reading 600+ words of my Cake Goodbye.

P.S. Didn't proofread this at all but I'm just gonna publish it and proof it tmr.

And you know, sometimes we take simple things like having a water supply for granted. And people are working hard while we sleep, so we can have water tomorrow when we wake up. Thank you.

I've been obsessing over cake baking videos recently. And now I'm wondering.. who discovered cake?


Friday, September 8, 2017

I can't even write one sentence without doubting myself

Like how I wrote the title of this post, for instance. Oh, it's too long - something is wrong with it... I suck... Such a long headline is just plain wrong...

Okay you know what? While long headline are not ideal, this is my own space, and I should learn to just go with the flow of what I genuinely feel. And not self-edit until my thoughts are beyond recognition.

These days just haven't been easy for me. I find myself questioning every word I write, mutilating every sentence I write - to the point of what seems like obsession. And it's getting in the way of my productivity. Nothing I write seems right. For every word I write - I imagine 10 people thinking and saying different things about it. It's draining all my confidence away. And this makes my writing a a lot worse, not to mention slow, because I'm always editing editing editing what I've already written, thinking that it isn't good enough. And the more I worry, the more mistakes I make.

And I try so hard to come up with something that I hope will please everyone that..... It's so, so tiring and I want to cry out of sheer hopelessness all the time.

I'm always so unsure about what I write these days - and this happens even when I chat with friends! I have lost the personality I had from my blogging heyday haha.

And, I have been losing my appetite lately because I think every single thing I write sucks - and that's pretty darn discouraging because at times, I can't even string one simple sentence together without berating myself, or thinking what other people are gonna say about my writing. This makes me so unproductive that I hate myself, It's draining a lot of energy from me.

And unlike last time... I never ever think whatever I write is good enough anymore. The sheer joy of writing something I am happy with/proud of.. has evaded me for what seems like forever. Well, but this, writing this blog post now feels pretty good. Not the best, but better than bad.

You know, I remember writing a few letters to the Straits Times Forum. I wrote about three or four, and all of them got published :D Imagine how happy I was when I realised that they received hundreds of letters every day (before social media got so popular). The sense of achievement was like WOWWWWWWW. They picked lil' old me?

I doubt myself every day. It's crazy. To the point of overquestioning until I complicate/overthink even the simplest stuff. And now I have the urge to go back to what I've just written... nitpick... tear apart the whole thing. 

But I also want to be as real as I can be. How?

Actually, this is the first time in the longest time that I've (somewhat) written naturally, without letting my thoughts/words go through any filter. And I feel like I can do it. I feel like I can train myself to just be... me..  And go back to who I once was. 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

New Lipstick Made Me Happier

Sometimes, happiness is as simple as this. Lipstick.

And if you find this statement bimbotic, here's your cue to stop reading, because yes, you got it - today, I'm dedicating an entire blog post to lipstick, and I have this nasty ailment called the First World Problem Disease. Admittance is the first step to recovery, they say. But I've no intention of recovering because I love a good lippie and that's that.

But the rest of you... Girls, boys, or whoever wears lipstick. Have you ever had that feeling, when things in life are not going so good, and you just gotta have a little perk-me-up? Well that's what I did.

We all have our weaknesses. Some people love gadgets, some like watches, others, spa indulgences, and so much more. For myself, I've always had a thing for makeup, even though I don't wear much these days. Oh, the hours I've spent in Sephora (most of the time just gazing longingly at makeup that I love but can't find the heart to spend on)...

Ok back to Earth.

I actually haven't had a proper tube of lipstick for months - something which I have no excuse for, except for the fact that my very last tube expired a while ago. And I put off buying a new one for an immeasurable amount of time because... I actually have no reason! So last Friday, after an event, I saw a sale at Watsons and somehow went in, even though I've kinda barred myself from entering shops UNLESS necessary, in my bid to save money. And as (almost always) there was a sale. 25% off most makeup products, to be exact. So I bought one.

So... I officially have ONE tube of lipstick. Hahaha. And in case you didn't know... Last year... and the years before last year... I was the kind who would have at least 10 tubes. And waste most of them when they expired, because...  1 pair of lips vs. 10+ tubes of lipsticks: you do the math.

It may seem silly to you, a 20+ year old woman getting excited over something as small as this. But well.. It's hard to explain. How the colour is a shade I fancy, how it brightens my face which somehow brightens my mood to, and ....

And there you go, congrats on reading about my obsession for lipstick. Of course, besides this obsession, I'm currently embarking on new obsessive journeys, such as photography, videography, and reading a lot more to expand my horizons. I also hope to start a new website, which has been a bit of a standstill the last few months, but let's see what I can do about that.


Butthurt People on Social Media

So.. It's 2 pm now - and I'm writing from my room, in the sizzling afternoon heat of the good ol' Singapore weather. Which doesn't always have a positive effect on my mood, because really... who loves the heat?

Anyway, an encounter last Friday gave me inspiration to return here. To my blog, I mean.While I'm not sure how long it'll last, I'm gonna give my best in creating personal content that I'm proud of!

The thing is, nothing much is happening in my life. It's just you know... work..  home... the occasional dinner with friends... hardly the Instagrammer kinda life that's so popular these days. But hey, there are so many things to talk about actually. Little things that may be trivial, but nevertheless, noticed by me.

Like how there isn't a post-meal tray-return policy at the Jollibee in my office building, but I've only ever seen clear tables. For the benefit of those who aren't aware of the tray return concept, here in Singapore, especially at our fast-food outlets, we are encouraged to clear our tables and return our trays after our meal. This allows the next customer to get seat and start eating faster. It makes life easier for outlet staff too, especially during peak hours.

Or like how I bought a tube of lipstick last Friday night, and it brought some colour to my life (both literally and not). And if you'll give me a chance to explain (in one of my next posts - if I ever get around writing it!), you'll realise the idea isn't as frivolous as you think!

Or how waiting for the bus can be excruciating, when you're having a not-so-ideal week. Which, could also be an opening a new topic. See, there's no excuse for having "nothing to write", because the human mine is active pretty much every hour of the day - and yes, for me, even during slumber. Especially before my sleep actually. That's when all my ideas come, but I never have the energy or willpower to get out of bed to pen my thoughts!

B suggested that I use the voice record function. But ha.... I actually have tried that - with ridiculously incoherent results hahaha.

Sometimes I avoid blogging because... There're always repercussions of sharing your life, thoughts and opinions. Especially in the era of social media (which of course, comes with it's perks) where people find it increasingly easy to get butthurt  offended at the tiniest things. I don't even want to think of examples - but just look at comments the Facebook posts on any major news outlet and you'll know ;)

When people are offended, they go all out to get your blood. They call it "CSI" - publish your personal details, residential address, try to get you dismissed from your job etc. And most of the time, I've realised, people only look at one side of the story. And when the herd mentality comes... ha.....

Funny thing is, these people are usually the ones who love to complain that there's no freedom of speech in Singapore. But have they ever thought that they too, are not enabling freedom of speech, when they go bonkers over the tiniest matters?

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Hello! Need Some Direction In Life.

Recently, I've been feeling like my life is in a mess. Which is actually quite a silly thing to say, because people around me (not people I know personally) are fighting worse monsters in their lives. Which sometimes makes me feel like I have no right to be upset over things that are happening in my life.

I try to be positive, yes. It's not too difficult, but it's not easy as well.

I have this ongoing thing in my life.  It's going in... I'm not sure if it's even moving. But long story short, there is something I really, really want. And everything seems impossible. I don't know where to start to make it right. Or if it's even possible in the first place. It's quite painful sometimes, how I managed to get myself (and someone else) into this situation. The most painful part about all this is that someone else got implicated in this. I mean, I can take the shit, but the thought that someone else (one of the best people in the world) got involved, that's the most painful part.

It doesn't help that on certain days, I get texts from two people (yes two) along the lines of...

"I just missed my bus. Today is going to be a bad day."

AH.. I really hope to have a weight lifted off my chest ahhhhhh.
I can soooo imagine a life with B - but why is it so difficult. :(

Well, at least I don't have any writer's block like I did a few weeks ago!

That said... I know I'm better off than a lot of people already. I was looking at the GiveAsia site... and things have been happening to my co-workers and their families. Some people don't have the luxury of time and health to make things right/better. But I do. That's something to be thankful for. 

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Perfume

I've always had a thing (but no excess moolah) for perfume. Tried Gucci Flora out at a shop and now I can't stop sniffing myself hahaha. And they really should sell smaller and cheaper bottles because I always get bored of the scents halfway through! Not that I've owned many in my life ha. Mmmmmmmm can I save this smell somehow.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Subjectivity

I wish I have the power to read minds. Like seriously. Also, I really wish I can go back to studying for a while. Or forever. But money doesn't grow on trees. Don't know what to do with life.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Do you believe in prayers?

I've never been a particularly sappy person, but things have changed recently. Neither have I been particularly religious but well.. I can't explain either.

Anyway (and yes, I can't believe I'm saying this because this is SO not me), a few minutes ago I was sending a desperate plea to heaven about something that was really, really close to my heart. I've never wanted so much for one person before (because I was always a selfish spoilt brat haha). It took almost 30 years for someone to make me want to change this trait.

I've been feeling really powerless these days. And I also hate myself for not being to achieve some things (not work-related)...

Anyway, I was praying (it feels really weird to be saying this) just now. And this song was played on radio the next minute. It's a motherly love song sung by Tarzan's gorilla adoptive mother, but I can see it from another angle - not the death one, but something that I've been going through for almost two years.



Coincidence, maybe? Or not...

ARGHHHHHHH.

Why can't they understand?

I wish everything can be solved magically. We've been through enough, really.



Saturday, March 18, 2017

Time does not heal all wounds.

It's been a year of ups and downs. Mostly up, but there's one "down" that I feel like I will never forget or forgive myself for. I still feel like zombie sometimes -- like all my drive and motivation has been sucked out and everything just... Vanished.

And I feel like I can't get out of it. I've always bounced bad from adversities rather easily, but this time, I feel like I'll never be OK. And as much as I want to change, I simply don't have the faith anymore. Plus other factors are controlling me. It's so overwhelming sometimes and nobody understands. And my household is so controlling that my cousin is the only person in the world who understands it and understands how I feel - because she's seen it happen.

It's so sad sometimes. Well just one time. I've always accepted that my life was like that... Until B. And then I only wanted one thing in my life. Other things, people could stop me, imprison me and I'd be fine (ren ming haha). But this one... I've never felt such a strong connection to anyone at at... And it's just ruined. That's not even the worst thing that's happened. The worst thing that happened is hurting and disappointing someone else. Someone who has always been sweet, supportive and encouraging. Someone who wants the best got me despite not having much himself. And he didn't even do anything wrong....

And I can't return anything because idk....  Maybe because I'm just useless. Cowardly.

And the people closest to me just know how to control me.

I want my own life. I want my own home. I want to live life to the fullest, in my own definition. But how? Nobody (except my cousin) understands the environment I live in.

You know, to many people in the world,  I live a priviledged life. And I may seem like such an awful person for not appreciating what I have. But to me, they're privileged as well. They don't live in a clockwork bubble. They're free.

Gargghhhh really need to pull myself together. That's the only way to go up.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Being Good / Not Good Enough

Working as a writer (it's the same for every job, I guess) has its rewarding moments. However, it can get really discouraging sometimes too. I put in a lot of effort in everything I do, so it's a wonderful feeling when I receive positive feedback like "OMG I LOVE IT". But sometimes... I just can't get something that everyone loves, and it can really put a damper on my day.

Then again (uplifting in a way), I know I'm not alone. I've seen the most brilliant writers and YouTubers going through the same thing too — for example, this YouTuber once mentioned that he spent hours cycling for a video... And the client ended up not approving that video! But he didn't let it stop him from continuing to come up with more content.

Can't win em' all (no human can, not even someone as perfect as Emma Watson), but I wish I could! Must. Be. Positive.

And here's my inspiration playlist of the week. 

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Decluttered desktop. Now, ready to take on the world!

Hello!

It's been about three months since I was last here. Wow, has it really been THAT long?

Anyway, I just back-upped all my files, photos and videos, my previously almost 90%-filled desktop is now clear and very neatly organised. Fees soooooo good. I hope I can keep this up! A messy desktop is such a turn-off, and it always makes me not want to do any work on my laptop.

I guess that's why I'm back here - because woohoo, clean-looking start-up screen (for now at least).

And my next step.... I need to make it a habit to organise the photos and videos in my computer monthly at least. Perhaps by doing that, I'll get a little motivation to blog as well... Like a monthly update of what I've been up to.

Not that I've been doing anything extra special these days, blah.

But in my dreams, I'm a travel talkshow host!

Oh man the weather's getting warm again. I sooooo enjoyed the November to February period, where the weather in Singapore's the most pleasant.