Sunday, August 28, 2016

Heaven is playing a cruel joke on me

I hope everyone is having fun watching the show. Glad to be of amusement. With all the restrictions in my life, someday I will regret not really LIVING. Well, I've already been feeling it since I was about 18. But this is really sinking in. Every time I want to do something, there is this element of risk. And I understand that people who love me will worry for me, and I have to keep them in mind for any decision I make. But what about myself.... I am human too. I have dreams, aspirations, desires. Chasing my dream would be selfish. And really... If shit's gonna happen, it will, even in my own home. I really wonder why I was born. One day I'm just going to sit in an empty house (ALONE) and my neighbours will smell a bad smell - and yay that's my life. No dreams, no love, no friends - maybe a few work achievements in my LinkedIn account.

DAMN I ALWAYS HAVE PHASES LIKE THIS. Because I'm really... not allowed to do anything (as ridiculous as that sounds coming from a soon-to-be-30 woman).  It'e been making me sad for years and years and years already.

And this year, I thought I saw a bright spark. HA.

HA. HA. HA

Even my toes are laughing.

I should have known there is no hope for me.

And if I die in Singapore, right here where everything is SAFE, I think my spirit will cry and flood the whole of hell/heaven.

If I die early, I hope my friends will make my ashes into jewellery/key chains and bring it along with them when they go travelling. And yes, I know I mentioned this somewhere before. I'm getting old, after all - legend says that old people love to repeat their words :P

Ok bye gonna watch Travelougues on Youtube. With all the money I saved from not travelling, I could really buy a projector and screen videos on my wall. Or buy virtual reality glasses and a treadmill and a programme with such sights. Yeah, mentioned before, too. Please excuse me, I'm 30 years old. 

I've got a dream!

I've got a dream for a looooong long time already. I've probably mentioned it somewhere in this blog or my old one. Sometimes, my dream, seems soooo sooooo far away that I just think "oh, forget it" and stop hoping an chasin Sometimes I feel bitter about it. Sometimes I'm brimming with hope. Other times I'm just resigned to my fate, and countdown to end of life HA.

You know the biggest problem with dreams? It usually involves stepping out of your comfort zone. It involves courage, adventure, and so much more. That's when you get naysayers, obstacles (both internal and external), blah blah blah.

Rapunzel had a dream! To see the world! Just like me! Disney movies always give people false hopes HA. I don't know why I still love them so much. 


And I feel like I'm quite smart these days HA. Well, many years ago my friends did shed the same advice, but I guess, many years ago I was just a thick block. You know (yes, ridiculous now that I'm almost 30), what is the best way to be able to go on holiday with friends?

Don' say " can I go Hong Kong with my friends?". Instead, say "I'm going to Hong Kong with my friends". The slight tweak in words can make a whole lot of difference HAHAHA. I wish I used this strategy when I was younger and had more friends! These days, people are busy with married life, kids, buying new houses that there's so little time for "girls outings". I just wish I saw more of the world when I was younger, and now it seems like it's too late.

Then again, this year, I did manage to do some things that my closest friends were like OMGGGG. To you, reader, these are gonna seem like child's play. But hahaha.. To people who REALLY know me, it's like Neil Armstrong "Making A Giant Leap".

1) I managed to go on holiday with my friends
2) I went Kayaking
3) I went Ice-skating!

So what's next on my THRILL-SEEKING list, huh?

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

I wanna learn to cook!

BELLO! I'm back! All text and no talk again, poor you. Or poor whoever is seeing this. Haha. How are you? I'd tell you what's going on in my life, but it's the same old, same old But I wish I'm globetrotting! I'd love to travel freely someday. I used to say "I'd love to dream about travelling at night" because oh you know... protective family and all. But now, I'm all I'M GOING TO TRAVEL SOMEDAY. I wish I can achieve this dream before I die. Or I'll be really pissed - and there had better be real ghost whisperers to help me get the resolution I need.

My blog these days aren't as happy and exciting as say, ten years ago. But oh well, that's part and parcel of growing up! Y'all young ones should treasure your youth as much as you can!

These days, I have been working... sleeping.. napping... yes that's pretty much everything. I don't even have much energy to go out these days. Age...... Ha.

But there's something I want to try out, and that's baking! And cooking too... maybe. I wanna bake chocolate chip cookies like so, so much. But I don't have an oven. And if I buy one and end up not using all the time... HA.

"I TOLD YOU SO!!!"

That's what I will hear for a trillion times!

And I don't want to mess up my parents' kitchen.

But yeah I really have a bit of an interest to cook! Just simple stuff.... Nothing fancy.
Those easy-peasy ones that always get shared on Facebook... cheese meat cheese meat cheese meat!! :D

Will find videos to give ya an idea about what kind of food I'd love to cook! Well.. I don't know if I will be REALLY interested. But if I don't try, I'll never know, right? And if I try and end up not liking.. I'll hear things like "SEE LAH, YOU ALWAYS DO THINGS HALFWAY ONE."

Hmmmmm..... What should I do? To try or not to try?

Monday, August 22, 2016

When scenes keep replaying in your mind

You just want to stab at those darn thoughts with a fork and make them go away forever. I really hate this. Some people are just more powerful and this bloody SUCKS. I remember their tones, expressions, and that emotional blackmail. Yes it's emotional blackmail even if it was well-meaning. And that's quite... low.  Emotional blackmail from people closest to you sucks the most.

Or maybe I am just unlucky. Blah. Just regret that I pull other people down into my bad luck.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

I ONLY HAVE ONE WISH

These days, I feel like there too many people and factors against me for getting what I want. I've really never felt so defenseless and powerless because, and it SUCKS. I know people believe that"Everything happens according to God's plan", or "Everything will happen in His time". I don't know, really. It's kind of hard to believe, when there are so many obstacles in front of you (and failures behind you). Do I even dare dream that "This too, shall pass"?

At this point, I really do have just one wish. And I did almost get it. But nobody wants me to be happy I guess.

I feel like I was living in the Matrix all along. A fake, programmed life. And now I finally realise the existence of the outside world, but am forever stuck in this.

I'm human, and I have my dreams and desires too. But... I just feel like my life doesn't belong to me. And some other people own me.

This is just sad. I don't remember ever being so sad. And nobody will understand. To almost achieve a dream, but to have other people destroy it. Well in their defense, they believe they are doing the right thing. And maybe I'm being dramatic, but I feel like THIS is something I'll regret the rest of my life. I hope I don't live too long.





On an unrelated note... It is totally frustrating that I can't read minds.

Absentmindedness

I was applying moisturiser when I was distracted by a text message. And then I couldn't remember if I moisturised my arms. The very next minute, I went to get tea -- wanted green tea, but absentmindedly took the lipton tea bag, and only realised my mistake AFTER I poured hot water. Ahhh.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

IN DA ZONE TO BLOGGG

I'm actually supposed to go home now, but it's not always I'm in the mood to blog, so guess staying in the office for a few more minutes won't hurt! Anyway, blogging is supposed to be relaxing! Also, I'm in an optimistic mood today - and these days... Moods like this are hard to come by, so of COURSE I must log it. I haven't been feeling very good last month because well... But things always get better. If  I believe that things will get better (and also work to make them better lah), I'm sure everything will work out just fine!

And I may say this now.. But maybe I'll be plagued with the one-week crying jag later. Blah.

Anyway, I just checked my TOTO tickets and I didn't win anything. Why did I spend $8 on it, huh? I usually only spend $8 per MONTH. Well... Mai Yi Ge Xi Wang. Seven million dollars, you know? Oh the things I'd do with seven million.... (does not $100k bags).

I had so much on my mind just now... But those thoughts go as swiftly as they come. Does that ever happen to you? You know what? One day I will invent a mind-blogging innovation. So whatever you think... Can be published in an instant. Or maybe a thought-recording thing - like all your thoughts get generated into a chip in your brain, and then taaa daaaa E-DIARY! I'm pretty sure there are going to be people who "blog before they think" (you know, like those who "speak without thinking".)

Oh I hear some weird knocking sounds. I'm usually not the superstitious type.. But hey I'm pretty hungry and I'm sure my dad's got some awesome food waiting for me at home!  

Monday, August 15, 2016

Why are some people on Carousell so irritating?

So many cheapskates on Carousell. Or maybe their maths forever fail. If I could earn $10 for every time I refrain from saying "**** NO are you stupid or do you think I'm stupid?", I'd be rich. And 10 years ago, this would have been majorly uncensored and multi-lingual. Haha. Oh, the impulsive and uncouth girl from yesteryear! 

"Nego?" "$2 can?" "Free postage can?". I like to offer nice stuff to sweet buyers (yes they exist!) but some people.....

Of course, I've met my share of wonderful people who either don't haggle, or make fair bargains. All of them are very understanding about busy schedules, and transactions have been really smooth so far!

But some people make such ridiculous requests that I just don't know how they don't laugh at themselves. Like seriously. If someone already sets a fair price... you have the GUTS to ask for a 50% discount??????


Carousell is a really fun place to get send your pre-loved belongings to better homes but OMG some people... The more they say "Can INANE request>?, the more I want to reply with a deadpan "CANNOT", even if it means I have to throw the item away. I don't know why, but something about some tones just irk me to no end. They make feel like going to learn kickboxing, and kick someone like you know, that game in the arcade where you hit the button repeatedly to K.O your opponent. 



Then again, you may also say I'm a cheapskate for selling my old stuff lah. But if it makes someone else happy to get something he/she wants at a cheaper price (and still in good condition). then why no? Also... Kinda need a bit of extra cash these days lah. To make the world a better place, the cheapos really have to VANISH.

VAMOOSE.

FOREVER.

AND EVER.  

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Going back to blogging

I've been thinking of coming back here to blog regularly... But there are always other things that I need to do. So many commitments, so many distractions. I guess, most of the time, it's just because I'm lazy and unproductive. Sometimes, I feel like I have tons of things to write about. And then I just lie on my bed for "a short rest". Before I know it... I've fallen asleep for three hours, and feel totally sh*tty about the time I've wasted.

I used to be so passionate about blogging! It's where I can write about things I like, in my own style. It's MY space. Why have I gotten so.... jaded?

Btw, I made mooncakes yesterday! Will blog about it. :)
And I need to blog about what I feel about Tangled the movie (if you still remember it - it's not a super new movie.)