Heaven is playing a cruel joke on me

I hope everyone is having fun watching the show. Glad to be of amusement. With all the restrictions in my life, someday I will regret not really LIVING. Well, I've already been feeling it since I was about 18. But this is really sinking in. Every time I want to do something, there is this element of risk. And I understand that people who love me will worry for me, and I have to keep them in mind for any decision I make. But what about myself.... I am human too. I have dreams, aspirations, desires. Chasing my dream would be selfish. And really... If shit's gonna happen, it will, even in my own home. I really wonder why I was born. One day I'm just going to sit in an empty house (ALONE) and my neighbours will smell a bad smell - and yay that's my life. No dreams, no love, no friends - maybe a few work achievements in my LinkedIn account.

DAMN I ALWAYS HAVE PHASES LIKE THIS. Because I'm really... not allowed to do anything (as ridiculous as that sounds coming from a soon-to-be-30 woman).  It'e been making me sad for years and years and years already.

And this year, I thought I saw a bright spark. HA.

HA. HA. HA

Even my toes are laughing.

I should have known there is no hope for me.

And if I die in Singapore, right here where everything is SAFE, I think my spirit will cry and flood the whole of hell/heaven.

If I die early, I hope my friends will make my ashes into jewellery/key chains and bring it along with them when they go travelling. And yes, I know I mentioned this somewhere before. I'm getting old, after all - legend says that old people love to repeat their words :P

Ok bye gonna watch Travelougues on Youtube. With all the money I saved from not travelling, I could really buy a projector and screen videos on my wall. Or buy virtual reality glasses and a treadmill and a programme with such sights. Yeah, mentioned before, too. Please excuse me, I'm 30 years old. 

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