Showing posts from October, 2015

I remember this morbid post

Where I told people not to scream at me or try to wake me up if I happened to get into a coma. I'd just let go. Because as much as I have no suicidal urges, I never thought I had anything important to live for. I mean, what's life? You study, work, hang out with friends, work (at that point, I didn't know what my dream job was)... and then what. Die?

Life was empty, like I was just passing through the motions. I had no idea why I was alive, and I always asked God why I was born. Of course I had no answer. Haha.

But I wonder if there's a reason for my existence. There's got to be, right? Like I said in 10000 of my blog posts... I hate uncertainties, and I hate waiting.

I haven't abandoned this blog

Dear blog,

I wished I cataloged more of my here, the happy moments, like how I've done since I was fifteen. New people reading my blog will think I'm some emo-nemo angry girl. Then again maybe I shouldn't wish because FML my wishes always come true, even those I make rashly, on impulse (except the one about winning lottery and being the prettiest girl in the world. HAHA).

My blog may not be a living thing, but this song sums up what it has done for me. So thank you. 

Also, I need to make better wishes. Is it the way I phrased them? Was I not explicit enough? Next time I make a wish, I'd better state 100000 clauses.

My life has always worked this way: Whatever I need comes to me when I need it. New job? Sure. I need a new friend to bring me out of something? Sure (but of course, some have to leave when their role is done) . I need a mentor who sees my potential? Yeah. My makeup finished? Sure - Tomorrow's email: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE WON......

Of course, I had to…

I wished a wish

Some time ago, I wished a wish that I would never be caught dead making public. I didn't think much about it because you know, I think the probability of me winning $10 million lottery Jackpot is definitely more likely. It was more like a series of wishes over a period of time. That was a series of wishes out my control - it's the kind so awesomely ridiculous that you'll never expect to come true. From tiny, mundane things to things you read on the Internet and think, "oh I wish that happened to me!"   
It was also the kind of wish that I always kinda wanted to wish, but never let myself wish, but wished anyway - and now I wish I didn't make that wish. Or did I even allow myself to make that wish in the end? If you get the point. Don't think you will :P
It's super scary the way things are unfolding. I kind of think I'm dreaming? Maybe I'm in a coma now and having a super long and realistic dream?
Or f this. Maybe someone is out to get me. B…

Omg I cannot

I cannot go down THAT path again. Please. I can feel creeping up on me. AVERT AVERT AVERT! Of course it ain't gonna happen. I am happy and never negative! Heaven forbid I ever feel even a twinge of negativity, because that's when everything goes downhill, and people start to dislike me.

I can't

I can't have so many people wanting advice from me about their problems when I can't even handle my own.


Today, I made a pact to be happy. Because when you are happy, good things will automatically come