I think it's happening again.

Sometimes I forget what I always say about not letting myself feel to happy. Because every time I do, things just seem to... fall apart. How did it come to this? Earlier this year I was feeling so happy and accomplished. A sudden turn of events, and now, all I feel is failure.

The end of last year was not a good one for me. And then suddenly wow everything changed, and it was like I got transported to fairyland. And then I waited months and months for something bad to happen... nothing did.
But of course, these things don't creep up on you. They SPRING up on you. Stupid me, right? After all this time... I should have known better.

You know some rough patches are temporary and make you a better person? Some are also quite...  detrimental. I don't know which one this is, but please. Make it the former. Argh. I really really want to be somebody brilliant or at least, reasonably successful. I know positivity is the key but there are times that I really doubt myself.

I always felt that part of the reason we're born is to collect accomplishments - not just academically or corporately, but also spiritually etc. I'm well past a quarter of my life and I think I'm so way behind that it's a bit disconcerting. Maybe I have yet (though I thought I did) to find my place in the world - or maybe there is just something wrong with me that I have to fix first.

But who can help? It's not like I can expect God to talk to me in my sleep or something. Or how Harry had a life mentor like Dumbledore (Sorry, just had to squeeze in a Harry Potter reference, haha) I am really afraid of leaving this world without achieving something I can be proud of.


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