Thursday, August 29, 2013

My Neighbour's Kids P2

Hello! It's mid-week! The weekend's not too far away! Yes! :D

In case you haven't already realised, I absolutely adoreeeee my neighbour's kids.

Remember the toddler? He doesn't even know how to talk, and he's always walking around to stare at everything. My father was outside my place cleaning his bicycle, and the tiny toddler just walked  up to my dad, stared with his round curious eyes, and gave an adorable toothless grin!

Then my dad went back home and locked our gates, but didn't shut the door. The toddler walked up to our door, and held on to the metal grates and peered into our living room.

WITH THE CUTE SMILE OMG I AM GUSHING.
Do you know, his 4 year old sister used to do the same thing?  She would squeeze her cheeks between the metal grates hahahaha.

And then he stretched his little arms into our house to shake hands with my dad. So my dad played along. Then his sister came out of their house.  And she didn't want to lose lololol. She too chioooong-ed to shake hands with my dad with a huge smile. My dad macham VIP hahaha.

Kids. They really do the cutest things. And usually, people don't really find my dad and I approachable coz we don't smile 24/7.

There you have it.  Another wordy post without photos because I am lazy like that! Oh I'm sorry if you have to read my blog because just now, I wanted to read what I've written this year, and I was like bla bla bla blabpperty bla. Darn, even I think I'm boring. This is not good.

Friday, August 23, 2013

I was THIS close to striking lottery jackpot!!

Hello!!

I don't know what I am doing here, but I do know that I'm supposed to be watching my recorded lecture (without pausing and toggling back and forth to scrutinise my hair and back view), and then getting started on my assignment. Because Heaven knows I need to pull my grades up. Not that they suck now, but I just want them to be the best they can be.


And I really don't know how I managed to breathe the past 2 years of full-time work and night classes. 

Back to the reason I'm here, you gotta admit, some modules are pretty dry. Not to mention inapplicable to real life. Why can't we have more modules like Media Relations, Feature Writing, and Public Affairs Reporting (and anything to do with writing, actually)? Then I can be the Scholar of The Year hahahahahaha.

Which I won't because I have never been the best at anything. Unless you count being the best at tripping over flat surfaces. Or Most Of Tune Voice. I am so unbeatable I could have my own show and be famous. I mean, people watch the most ridiculous TV programmes nowadays, right? Just look at Toddlers and Tiaras and Honey Boo Boo.  Hahahaha.

Oh, and it's been a dry period, but I won something today! :D I won a $50 shopping voucher, and after that, I pestered my friend April to join the contest. I read my messages again and I sounded rather psychotic. Considering that I gained nothing if she won hahaha.

'APRIL JOIN THIS CONTEST."

"JOIN NOW"

"DON'T BE LAZY'

"JOIN AH! I WON $50  HOPE YOU CAN WIN TOO!"

"FASTER. DON'T DILLY DALLY".

There you have it. I'm a crazy friend.

And I think I may really be crazy. I saw someone drop his lottery ticket some time back. And I picked it up and ran after him to return it. I think I might have even said "No problem, good luck" when he thanked me. Damn. I wonder if it was a winning ticket. Hahahaha.

And last week, I was this close to riches. Well, semi riches. I swear, the odds of this happening are almost the same as winning, so why oh why tell me why not me!!!
Not that I condone gambling, but look at the $1, I'm hardly a gambling addict!


Sometimes I type 'hahahahahahhahaha' and then go back to delete half of it.
 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Living in Fear Every Single Day

I don't mean to be melodramatic, but I live in fear, every single day. From insects, I mean. Creepy crawlies, usually beetles, moths, lizards, and sometimes cockroaches. I mean, I could take a piece of tissue paper out of the box, and a lizard could spring right out. Lizards like dark places, right? It could be resting on the soft, smooth, first layer of tissue paper and when you take it out..... BWARHHHH ATTACK!!!!!!

Or, I could take a storybook from my shelf and a lizard could fall on my face.

Maybe, a beetle could just come charging at me when I'm holding hot tea.

I am now frantically (and fine, irrationally)  Googling things like "How to seem unattractive to lizards", "How to repel cockroaches". On a quest  to make my room as unappealing to them as possible!

But really, this is a never-ending battle, but I WILL FIGHT ON.

And what brought about this post? A lizard in one of my cabinets. I slammed the door shut immediately, and all can think of now is it coming out at night and creeping all over me OMG *paranoia sets in* I FEEL TICLKLISH EVERYWHERE ALREADY.

Sometimes, I have this theory that all insects are on a secret mission to get me.
*wails in despair* W-W-WHYYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEE



 
By the way, if you're interested, here's a story I wrote from a lizard's point of view a long time ago. I know I get overly dramatic sometimes around insects. One day, I got bored, and wondered what goes on in insects' minds when they see me freak out.
 
 
 
 


 
WHAT LIZARDS REALLY THINK OF HUMANS

 
*trivia:
Did you know "How to Lure a Lizard out of Hiding" gets you  7,290,000 results on Google? Just thought I'd share.


That pink-worshipping bimbo whose room I'm living in is The Best Comedy Act of The Year. We officially met for the first time last week, and my, that girl can run. She could be the female version of Usain Bolt. And that set of lungs would make Adele jealous.

Honestly, she must think I'm the Loch Ness Monster lying in wait to have her for lunch or something. I mean, she's like, 5 feet tall, and I'm just a tiny baby lizard. Which may be why she got so startled. Because I couldn't stick to the wall properly, and almost landed on her when I fell. Her fault. That screaming.... human.

 
She's being really ridiculous now. I'm on the ceiling, looking at her, and she's going around telling everyone about how she doesn't dare to reach into her wardrobe until she sees my dead body.

HAHAHA GET A LOAD OF THIS. She's using an 8 foot long pole to get her clothes. This should really be on Just For Gags. If I had a video camera now, she could totally get famous overnight. YouTube Star, anyone?

I think she watches a lot of television. She's brandishing her flashlight at her cabinet and switching it off and on. Now she's screaming:
 
"GET OUT LIZARD. I HATE YOU. I"M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU LAND ON ME OUT OF THE BLUE."

 
What follows is hilarious.
She moved her flashlight in crazy motions and...
"YOU ARE BEING SURROUNDED. GET OUT RIGHT NOW."


Talk about good  first impressions.

Anyway, the next day, the saga resumed. I don't know what's so scary about me. I mean, I don't bite, I'm not poisonous. For goodness sake. I eat flies and mosquitoes! That's like, public service. I feel like one of the most underappreciated living organisms in the world. :(

 
I've never seen someone so ill at ease in her own room. Why, just yesterday she saw a shadow (guess she thought it was me), and bolted out of the room. Returned with a swatter and a bottle of insecticide.

I may be a baby, but I know her type. As well-equipped as she appears to be, chances are that she'll drop everything and run if she sees me.

Her comical little antics are getting boring so.... I'm off! I can't stand her favourite colour anyway. Oh why can't lizards buy video cameras :(

Friday, August 16, 2013

I HATE BEING UGLY.




You know, I always say that nobody is ugly. I actually mean, nobody except for me lah. And then I get all worked up when Bitchface goes around calling everybody (even cover models) ugly because the word 'ugly' is very sensitive. And then I imagine her talking about me. Though I reckon she doesn't because I treat her decently and I'm not worth her time anyway. HAHA.

Don't even tell me "LOOK AT *so-and-so* who is worse off* because this is MY blog and I am talking about MY appearance and this is MY tirade to perform to vent MY frustration.

I realise there has to be some kind of hierarchy in the world, and everyone is meant to be talented at something unique (but you gotta admit, being talented at being pretty is kinda lame). BUT I'M NOT GREEDY. NOT DEMANDING TO BE A RAVISHING BEAUTY. Can't all humans at least get to look.. pleasant?

And the survey I just did. I was just trying to be helpful and then they asked "what is the favourite part of yourself?" I mean besides my 5 senses and ability to move without assistance, there is really nothing much to like.

I am going to write about the things I don't like. I don't usually do this because writing about things which will put me in a bad light, and people will call me unappreciative. Which I don't deny I am, but hey, a girl needs to rant sometimes. Because this has been bothering me since I was 13 and I HAVE NEVER LET MYSELF REALLY TALK ABOUT IT.

Also, I don't really like to complain because I'm afraid that everything I have will be taken away from me, to make me realise how it feels to have your life REALLY suck. Because honestly, mine doesn't suck, I just feel moody occasionally :)

So I'll be writing about what I don't like about myself, and it's going to be like writing a thesis  dictionary, ahhhh.

Head
I have such a large head, I can't wear most hats. Helmets are a problem too and I have to request for the men's version. It's embarrassing and I feel so horrible. I don't even want to attend my convocation because I'm sure no hats come in my size. And it's not like I can go for a head reduction surgery.


I have frizzy hair that can't be dyed and require lots of straitening.

And my face. Oh the biggest concern of them all. Besides being as asymmetrical as a half-circle and half-rectangle can get, I have a huge face. Sometimes I wonder if my face can fit into a cinema screen. Not that anybody would want to see me on screen, haha

There is a bald spot on my left eyebrow because of chicken pox. I don't mind this too much though.

And I don't know why, but one eye is bigger than the other. My eyebags/lines/rings are legend-waitforit-dary. While most people have EITHER eye bags, fine lines, or dark eye circles, I have somehow managed to have at 3. And the dark part takes up more space than my eyes OMG. Oh, don't prick my eye bags or you'll DROWN in FAT. Or whatever liquid's in those bags.

My short lashes droop. And they are extra-heavy duty because no amount of mascara can save them. And they're so straight, they put rulers to shame.


My meaty nose. Saying that I look like Jackie Chan would be a compliment. My nose takes up 1/4 of my already ginormous face, and it looks like an equilateral triangle. Not asking for a skinny nose, an isosceles triangle would suffice.

And my jaw. Where do I even start? I need to start somewhere, because my jaw ends nowhere. I've got a square jaw. AND I AM A GIRL. My jawbone stretches so far back that it is in line with the back of my head. I can never tie up hair up in public.

Now, the chin. I don't think I should waste too much time talking about my chin because I have CHINS. Too many chins.

My neck. Wait. What neck? I have no neck.

Teeth. Well I'm one of the lucky ones who don't have to wear braces because my teeth are naturally straight. But I can't really smile properly because my teeth are too small. Even the dentist told me that my teeth were too short for someone my age :S

Sometimes, my lips look like some (non-existent) half-baked doctor injected too much fillers/collagen into it. And when I don't make the effort, my lips turn downwards and I look like a sulky little b*tch.

Speaking of sulky b*tches, I have frown lines too. Put that together with manly jaw, downturned mouth and voila, you've got Shu Rin... the BIG sulky b*tch!!! *applause*

Oh I KNOW I LIKE MY EARS! THEY DON'T STICK OUT. :D


Upper Body
Well this is a first. Surprisingly, I'm stumped! Because my arms, boobs are ok and my tummy has always been somewhat flat. I just hate the many scars.

And my ribs stick out a bit because when I had spine surgery, we didn't think I could take the agony of bone extractions both in front and behind. Imagine metal rod in in your back + removal of wing bone + removal of rib, and basically just shifting your skeletal make-up. So not fun.

 If I removed that rib I'd have to have a breathing support - like a tube sticking out of my chest. As much as I want to be beautiful, I'm not sorry about my protruding rib. Sometimes people see it and go "OMG YOU ARE SO SKINNY EVEN YOUR RIBS ARE STICKING OUT". Then I'll smile humbly but an shuang HAHAHA. But the truth's that my top's too tight hahaha.

And yes, my hunchback problem got so bad that unlike other kids, I had to go for surgery ASAP.

But then again the surgery was ok because I'm not a such a huge crybaby about pain anymore. :) But sometimes people piss me off a lot when they complain about cuts and blisters lie the world is ending.

Oh I know. I have short, stubby and not-graceful-looking fingers.


Lower Body
You. Don't. Even. Want. To. Read. About. My. Massive Thighs. I have no thigh gap so they chafe a lot. When I sit down, my thighs look like one of the Seven Continents.

My legs are so short. Together with the Massive Thighs, I look like I have Square Blocks for legs.

My butt is so huge,  I have problems putting on jeans, pants, shorts. It's a wonder why I'm not on the national wrestling team. And IT STICKS OUT SOOOOO MUCH. There should be 8 Wonders of the World, the 8th being my butt.

My knees are.. don't know. They look like canned tuna. With a lot of dark soya sauce.

Calves are fine. But I have Fat Ankles so you can't see the bones. And protruding bones at the (in)sides of my feet. So I need to buy shoes with a lot of support at the side. BONES AH. YOU ALL PROTRUDE AT THE WRONG PLACE LEH.




THE END

If you think you're an expert at Chuck Norris jokes, I am a Grandmaster at "I'm Ugly" jokes!!

Bye this is a long post and only like 5 people will bother to read it hahahaha.

Reading this again, some of my rants are pretty funny, but you've got no idea how horrible I've felt some occasions this past decade. It can get really overwhelming at times. Sometimes I don't know what I ever did to get all these when some beautiful people do the most awful things with their lives, and here I am, stuck for the next 70 years in such an ugly shell, which is uglier than most people but I can't talk about it.

And yes, I know a lot of people would rather be me. And why do good people get sick, anyway? Why do girls get acid thrown at them when all they did was to go help the less fortunate? I'll write another post about what I'm thankful about, will that be fine? But that would be like writing dictionaries in all languages because there's sooooooo much :D



 


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Never noticed how pretty clouds were until...




Until they were gone. Covered, shrouded, chased away by that darn haze.

Have you ever look, like really looked at the clouds? How white, fluffy they are, and how, sometimes, with the right winds, formations, and imagination, you can make them out to look like anything, from a castle, dragon, anything, really? When I was little, I imagined little kingdoms on each large cloud. And the people of each Cloud World could 'drive' wherever they wanted, like caravans in a circus, just that they were up in the sky.



I used to do that as a kid, and as I grew older, I grew immune to the little things in life that are worth appreciating.

And then that !@&##( week came where there were no signs of even a BIT of cloud. You probably wouldn't understand, but life without clouds is depressing. Not to mention creepy. Like living in some dimension, separated from the outside world. HAHA. There I go with my trillion movie analogies again.
 


But really. You wouldn't want that happening to you. That said, I want the irresponsible and money-faced culprits to live like that in the Afterlife. With fire surrounding them HOHOHO. Since they love fire and disaster so much, but poor things, probably forced to be livin' the life in the Maldives or beach house in Miami beach while their fellow countrymen suffered in the intense heat and air pollution. I was being sarcastic, in case you didn't get it.



Anyway, life is short, so forget about those annoying twats. Because the clouds came back, and so did our still-polluted-but-at-least-no-expected-influx-at-emergency-rooms air. And you guessed, it, so did the posts on Instagram, all gushing about how pretty the clouds were (guilty!), when the clouds WERE ALWAYS THERE.

I think humans tend to complain a lot, there are a lot of things we take for granted. You should see the comments about NDP. Like, tissue paper. Flushing systems. Combs. Windows. I could probably name thousands more. We'll only realise how precious some things are when they're taken away. And this is a very depressing topic.
 

So I was going all trigger happy with my camera in the OMG LOOK, MA, CLOUDS phase, but deleted most of them because they were either blurred or crooked. I am easily excitable. HAHAHA.
So I am going to sleep now, and be thankful for my bed, pillow, bolster, and soft toys. YOU SHOULD TOO. :D
OH AND WE CELEBRATED NATIONAL DAY WITH CLOUDS AND (ALMOST) NO HAZE WOOHOOO! We expected to be shrouded in that evil, foul air till September, but HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SINGAPORE. Won't let nobody get us down!!! :)

Friday, August 9, 2013

MY NEIGHBOURS' KIDS ARE SO CUTE

I may not be happy about some aspects of my life, for example My Jackie Chan nose, but sometimes I don't know what I did to get such awesome neighbours opposite. So incredibly fortunate.  Their parents are nice too. But the kids. OMG the kids. There's a 7-year old boy, a 4 year old girl, and a toddler. And we've been neighbours for about 3 years.

The 7-year old is a classic example of the oldest brother. Serious, polite AND STILL VERY ADORABLE. The 4-year old girl is the one who broke the ice. When she moved in, she just learnt how to walk. And she would PEER out of the gates all the time, and try to squeeze her chubby cheeks through the gates.

I don't know why, but every time she saw us, she just HAD to go 'BYE BYE, BYE BYE, BYE BYE'. She could go on for minutes. Sometimes, her parents leave their door open, and she'll come running (very wobbly) when she hears us leaving/coming home and wave and BYE BYE frantically.


Very  active and mischievous kid. Poor girl always got reprimanded for running and climbing around hahaha. And she'd cry when being scolded, and when she saw us she'd put her crying on 'Pause' and go "B..bye... *sniff* bye bye *sniff*And the toddler. OMG the toddler. Always wandering around, staring at everything in wonder, and smiling, smiling, smiling.

Sometime when I come home, and they're outside, they'll come running over and scream "HIIIIIIIIII" and wave frantically. The toddler hasn't gained full control of his limbs yet, so the 4-year old will grab his arm to wave at me and scream "HIIIIII!" And he'll smile sweetly. Oh, yesterday, he shook hands with my dad. Then he smiled and toddled away.

I don't know why, the two older kids love to show me their new stuff, like cards, glasses, Wii, hairband. Sometimes they tell me where they're going. Sometimes they tell me where their mum is. Very random, really. They especially love to tell me their baby brother's name. There was a period of time they would sing and dance when they saw me. HAHAHA.

Only babies can like me so much.
Even the #nomakeup me. Kids really don't judge.

Oh and I have a not-so-nice neighbour too. My void deck is scattered with kitty food, animal poo, and also some potential mosquito breeding tins filled with water. Just when we're having dengue outbreak zzzzzz. Sometimes, people throw food down and we get surrounded by pigeons (and bird shit). It's gotten so bad that many (I assume) people complained the authorities have started installing cameras to monitor our block. Oh, all they're gonna see is a woman running around and shouting "BABY! MUMMY'S HERE! MUMMY'S GOT A PRESENT FOR YOU!".

Oh, not to mention my fat face and thighs.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Last week in Snapshots

Hello. So you know, I'm trying to get my life back on track. While I haven't been like one of the bullet trains in Japan going at a gazillion trillion miles per hour, I'm doing better. Though I still dilly dally - a habit more like a sin, and very difficult to kick.


 
And because I'm never satisfied with how I look, I put in he heart-shape because as usual, my my lips look like some half-baked doctor went overboard with the (non-existent) fillers.
 

Firstly, I've written and sent all the letters I owe, including the one to myself. The fun thing is, I completely forgot what I wrote to myself, so I'll have something entertaining to read, 10 years down the road. And I hope by then, people who say things like "No time!' get soooooo green with envy. Because seriously, 'no time' is bull.  It's hilarious) because I happen to know that those people dilly dally more than I do. Besides, it only takes 10 minutes to write a letter. Very worth it :)
 

 
 
 
Found an old colouring book. Because I'm making the effort to accomplish so much, I figured I deserve a bit of fun. Only, people grow up, and colouring books, as adorable as they are, aren't that fun as they were 10 years ago. And you know what? I actually did a better job at colouring when I was 8.
 

 
 
 
These days, I try to go on long-ish walks. Because if I want to have a better quality of life, I figured I'll go holistic. And because I'm the kind of girls who pays attention to details (everything and everyone deserves to be noticed), I saw this. Half of a butterfly. Torn. I wonder where the other half went. Pretty wings.
 

 
 
 
 
And I've picked up a new interest. Well since I won a good camera and didn't sell it, I might as well see it as a sign and make full use of it. I'm just reading up on terms and stuff - just as an interest, and not ambition/profession, so none of you need to scrutinise my future photos. You'll only be wasting your time.

And the music one, it' like a refresher course. Hey, I used to be good, ok? I got invited to join the school band, so I couldn't have been that bad! And whatever note the teachers played, I knew exactly which. I had piano lessons for a few years, but it was only a matter of time before I realised that I couldn't get away with simply playing by heart without looking at the score. Darn the scales and theory work, I quit. And I have no idea why I'm making myself go through the agony again. HAHAHA.




And because I'm delusional, I'd like to pretend that this book was dedicated to me. Just a teeny weeny typo, easily overlooked.  :)