Tuesday, July 23, 2013

:(

Just a short post to make this a very depressing space. Because I just watched a very depressing and tragic (to the point of funny) drama, and I guessed it passed the germs on to me.

And I know I've been at this point in life, because I just KNOW I've typed this before.

And from I haven't worked hard on ANYTHING since June. And it's almost the end of July now, which makes it 2 months. And I don't have much classes in August, which will make it 3 months. 3 months couldn't have gotten me a job, but could have gotten me an internship.

And all I've been doing is.... actually, I don't even know. Reading storybooks? Lying in bed messing with my phone? Scrolling trhough my Facebook newsfeed aimlesslyPlaying computer games?

I cannot believe I wasted so much time. If I could turn the clock back to May, I would have applied for an internship. Gotten some basic editorial experience. Made full use of my time from June to August. 

Also wanted to accomplish some other things but I really don't know what got over me, this is SO NOT ME. 
OMG. I need to get my life on track and its starts.... NOW. And here's the rest of my thoughts - wrote them in a letter to myself.



And now, I've cleaned my makeup brushes. written letters to my friends, threading my brows tomorrow, and also going to the bookstore to browse magazines. That's a hell lot of accomplishment, compared to what I've been doing (or not) the past few weeks.

YES I'M BACK IN ACTION! To infinity and beyondddddd!! :D

Sunday, July 21, 2013

25 Questions with Shu Rin !

Today, I woke up and found myself giggling. I really wonder what I dreamt about. But well that's not what I'm going to write about today. I have no idea what to write about today, so I'm going to do a little quiz, those type of quizzes I loved to do a few years ago. Since I don't think anybody wants to know more about me, I shall tell myself more about me. HAHA.

This is on video too, but the answers may be slightly different because well, I did the video 3 days ago, and I am fickle like that.
 


25 Questions with Shu Rin

1) Do you get drunk every weekend?
Nah. I’m not into partying. Not that rich either. Hahaha.

2) Have a best friend?
I have some good friends, and never really liked labels.

3) Is there anyone you want to come see you?
Yeah Lady Luck. Then I can strike the lottery and be rich rich rich  :)

4) Do you laugh easily?
Yeah actually, I do! But I'm not the most glamorous person in the world, so naturally, I don't look that great when I laugh, so I subconsciously try to tone it down.

5) What makes me happy?
A lot of things, actually. Pink, Hello Kitty, Cupcakes, Baby Piglet and Eeyore soft toys and basically any type of dessert. Oh and nice people. Or when I'm nice to people and they appreciate it.

6) Are you generally a nice person?

Well... I try my best.

7) What do you currently hear right now?
Air-Conditioner blasting and myself typing. Usually I'd have some music on, but I don't know why not now. Ok NOW I', listening to music.

8) Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?

My sister bought it from Bangkok!

9) What was last thing you drank?
Water. Haha. It's water almost every time.

10) Who did you last talk to for longer than 10 minutes on the phone?
I wanted to say nobody because I don’t have that habit.. but then I spent 17 minutes talking to a helpdesk operator about my ‘broken’ computer which actually wasn’t broken. That poor and very patient guy

11) What color are your eyes?
Mesmerising brownnnnnn. Haha no I don’t know. Black, brown, maybe?  

12) Is something bothering you?
yeah. There’s always something, but life’s too short to mull over about it!

13) What are you excited for?
Early retirement!

14) Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Cold, of course! It's really too hot where I live. But not TOO cold because I heard that your lips crack and your nose feels like it can be … plucked out?

15)Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
I never really have deep conversations.


16) Who is someone you tell every thing to?
My letter pad, which is I guess, myself.

17) Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?

Yeah, on a couple of occasions. You know, like chalets, sleepovers. Though it would be smart not to because I get nightmares. Which means that I'm not the most peaceful sleeper.

18) Are you keeping a secret right now?
Yeah I always am, and I know you are too! :D

19) Are you sarcastic?
sometimes I can get really sarcastic. When you get on my wrong side and I’m feeling witty.

20) Are you shy?
Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaaa

21) Are you talkative?
depends on who I'm with  and my mood, I guess. Sometimes I get silent spells and my friends are already accustomed to it

22) Has someone ever told you that they would be with you forever?

No but wouldn’t wanna be, I’m so nice! Nah I’m kidding. Nobody.  *pout*
And I don't think I want to be stuck with me also lah.

23) When was the last time you watched a horror movie? What was it?
Poly days hahaha. I don’t remember the title but I remember that our eyes were all glued to the screen even though we were freaked out.

24) Does your mom think Robert Pattinson (Twilight) is attractive?
She saw me watching the DVD once, and … I really don’t think so

25) Is there a feature on your face that people compliment you on?
Well if they racked their brains enough I think they might manage to find something nice to say?

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Goals, plans, prospects, life.


Have been a drifter for the past few weeks, and I don't even know what I've been doing besides well, sitting around and doing nothing. Unbelievable that I'm saying this, but I can't wait for school to start! Even more unbelievable, I'd really like to get a job again. But next term's gonna crazy, and I'll never forget the hectic two years I spent juggling full time work, and night classes.

Feeling quite ambivalent because there's a writing stint that would fit me to a T, and I know it's something I can do pretty well at. That would be... 6 months wasted. My oh my. For me, 6 months is a lot to waste because there's so much I want to explore!

And because I've finally snapped out of my drifter mode (and also because I've started discussing stuff with one of my most motivated-in-life friends), I sat down, and decided on what I want to do.

I've tried public relations, I've tried social media. And it's been pretty evident, even to the teachers of the 10-year old me, that I was always meant to pursue a career in journalism, or anything to do at all with writing. Journalism alone branches out to soooooo many fields, that's a lot of ground to cover.

These days, I've taken an interest in Corporate Communications and Copywriting as well. Now, I just need to figure out how to accomplish all these in one lifetime, because it'll be 2023 before we know it, and I heard that after 30, time passes even faster. And I'd like to explore everything before the age of 30, and settle into one of them for good (probably Corp Comms in the government sector, haha). And retire at 65 and take on counselling.

And well it never hurts to have ambitions that just a teeny more frivolous. I think it'd be cool to be a greeting card writer. Or a scriptwriter. Sometimes, I just sit back and daydream about you know, what could happen if I had a more interesting (and slightly unrealistic) life.

Oh, I'll also jump at the chance to be a talk show host if I could. Like Ellen and Tyra. Or a new anchor/presenter. But obviously, that's gonna need a LOT of work.
 

I need to talk to my driven friends more often. Obviously it's good for me to bye I'm going to buck up and work on sharpening my writing chops now!

(and I also need to finally reply emails and letters, sorry I've been bumming so much lately!)

Monday, July 15, 2013

Doppelgängers

You know what, I just found my friend's Doppelgänger. The two girls look so alike that April and I couldn't decide if it was her, even after a loooooong discussion. Same hairstyle (slightly different length), makeup, similar style of dressing, same pose, even. The only reason we thought it may not be her was because our friend doesn't club.
 

I even analysed her hair, clothes, and dug up last week's photos just to check for similar accessories. #stalkermuch. It bothered me so much I decided to just text her for an answer. Hahaha.

Apparently, everybody has a Doppelgänger. Wouldn't it be cool, to meet someone who looks exactly, or almost exactly like you? Ok let me answer my own question. I think it'd be soooooooo cool. But then again, maybe not, because I'll feel sorry for her (or us) because we're such... Plain Janes.


And darn it, I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I think my Doppelgänger may just be a 'he'. FML. Sorry for those who hate it when people say 'FML', but I just thought it's a good punchline.

Ok that's all for today. Would you like to meet your Doppelganger? If you did, what would you say to him/her?


Then again, maybe I HAVE found mine, because according to some people (since I was 17) I look like them:

 
 
And here are some photos for your kind comparison. Hahaha. One serious from 2 years ago (which I just pulled off Google), one smiley from last week.
 

 


 

Friday, July 12, 2013

The reason for my existence

 
There must be one, isn't it? Maybe I just haven't realised it yet.

I've never been one to have deep, depressing thoughts, but well since I'm at it now, maybe you should go buy lottery or something, because me being depressed in life is like a one-in-a-billion thing. Usually I just get pissed off.

And you can stop reading because this is going to be a very long post. Chances are that you won't know what I'm talking about, anyway.

There are times when I want to turn the clock back, to a time just before my birth. Or when my soul arrived on Earth. Because right now, I feel like my existence is a mistake. Somebody must have messed up, and sent me here by accident.

I can't do anything right. Heck, I can't even breathe right. Or move right. These days, I don't even dare to breathe or move without pissing somebody off. Why are some people so... volatile, anyway? You don't know when all hell is going too break lose, but just brace myself and hope for the best. Sometimes, things are good. Really good. And then it can make a 180degree about-turn when you least expect it.

I'm fortunate enough to live in Singapore, where there's no war, no bombs, no land mines. But I think I might be beginning to understand how people in war-torn countries feel. You walk, you run, you tread lightly, you jump. Ever so careful, but if something is going to blow up in your face, it will, no matter how much caution you practice. Only theirs is physical, and mine is psychological.

It gets so suffocating sometimes, that I just to escape can never come back. Live in some French country-side or something. Or Santorini, Greece. I just don't have the means to do that. Will never get consent too. And like I mentioned, when things are good, they are really good, and I feel stupid for feeling so down. It has become practice to access the situation upon waking up, which would then decide how I tread for the way. Which may still result in a blow-up.

I don't know how long I can withstand this share-market phenomenon anymore, and I can't wait for the day I can flee. Not even sure if I'll ever be able to do that. Because with the cost of living these days, the quote  'When There's a Will, There's a Way", isn't really valid.

I took a gap year because working full-time and juggling studies at night was too exhausting, and for 2 years, I didn't feel human. I felt like a machine, and a inferior one at that, because I didn't have enough time to excel. I did well this semester because I had more time on my hands. But well.... It's complicated and staying at home isn't well.. working that well for me. I really don't want to get not-so-stellar results again.

And if I go back to work, the last two months of holiday would have been a waste. Actually, I think the whole gap year has been a waste because I HAVE BEEN EVEN MORE STRESSED. But staying at home is stressful too, though I can't explain it here. And can't even explain it to myself, for that matter.

Also, I wish that the renovation works get over and done with, once and for all, and nothing spoils, everything is perfect. I can give up 10 years of my (useless) lifespan for that, really. Every time something is just a little imperfect, I feel this dreadful feeling of impending doom. Little kinks here and there won't seem like a big deal to you, but in my home, it's horrible. So horrible that every time I hear a call from the contactor, or some imperfection surfaces, I want to run. But that'll cause trouble too (somehow), so I'll up it a bit, and tell you I WANT TO DIE/VANISH FOR GOOD. Not that I'll do anything stupid because suicide is illegal in Singapore and I am a law-abiding citizen hahaha.

But seriously, I don't know how long I can take this. And from the way I see it (and how nothing and nobody is perfect). this isn't going to end. Maybe, I'll die of suffocation one of these days, and maybe that will be for the best.

And writing here is so much safer from writing my diary (which I have since destroyed).
Doubt I can take somebody's erratic moods swings much longer. I am going to burst. But then again, I am also supposed to just keep quiet. No answering back, no speaking my mind, no justifying my actions or risk starting World War 3. 

*fighting the urge to hurl my mouse at the wall*

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Googling-Imaging Myself

Do you know, many employers look you up online, prior to an interview, or even upon receiving your resume? I'm not sure how far that's true, but I read that in some Human Resource Magazine, so that must be pretty credible (yay journalists!). Not that it's the perfect gauge of character.

And you know how you should always keep tabs on your online persona, because they change from time to time? So, I decided to do a Google Search on myself, and I am boring with a capital B. In a good way with a Capital G.

Here are some Google Images that came up! As you can see, I love selfies, food, places of interests in Singapore, the beach, and soft toys. One thing you'll never see, is photos of me at marathons (well, in my case, walkathons), because I look..... hahahaha.


 







Actually, I'm not quite sure what all these pictures say about me. Anyway, to judge me solely based on these would be highly inaccurate:

I've painstakingly taken some photography-like pictures after painstakingly reading up online, in books and magazines. I seldom upload photos of my friends because most of them tend to go:  "Eeeeeeee omg I look so ugly here"! I've never uploaded photos of my family members because they are the biggest social media skeptics I know.

Now, Google Image yourself already!