Hello again!


Here I am , writing another loooong loooooong essay. I don't know what's wrong with me these days. I feel like I am a failure at everything! And I loathe uncertainties. Oh, I hate waiting too. Still smarting over missing my exam and having to wait another 6 months (and if it fail that, it'll be an additional year). Then maybe I should just cease existing.

I think a lot of it is my fault also lah. I've always been so driven and disciplined, but I let myself relax that LITTLE bit, and this is what happens. I will never slack off again, even a little. Met up with J, the only person in a (somewhat) same situation as me and able to keep a level head, and I realised that maybe all these... all these happen for a reason.

I've always thought this 'everything happens for a reason' = stupid excuse for stupid people. But sometimes, things really happen for a reason. Like how I applied for a degree in Counselling and was rejected, and then offered this course that I love. :)

A few years ago, I got mixed up with some shallow and judgemental.. episodes, and there was this period of time I got disillusioned with life and thought my life goal was to be a counsellor/social worker/ something who travels around the world to help people. A place where nobody cared about weight, hair, clothes.... Of course I still want to do that - later in life, when I've equipped myself with more life experience. But I've always wanted to be a writer, and I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME THEN. Seriously. 19 years of sheltered life in the city, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life in some undeveloped countryside Making The World a Better Place. I think, if I was allowed to go on that track, I'd have been a burden to the team instead HAHAHA.

I don't know who left this comment. But thank you. Thank you so much. Not gonna let them darn setbacks win! You know it's like one of those Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader thing. Oh right. not everybody's a nerd like me. It's like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. When Harry and You-Know-Who were duelling and their wands first met. And they were both trying their best to overcome the other. I AM GOING TO BE HARRY POTTER AND PUSH ALL THE SETBACKS BACK INTO THEIR BEHINDS.

I'm sorry I don't have anything nice to write about. You know, I'm the girl who people always whine to. Just because 'thank you! I feel so much better every time I talk to you! :D"

But when I need to whine, nobody likes to respond. Or don't know how to respond. Or are too busy with their own problems. Some will turn the conversation into how They Are The Most Unfortunate People In The World. Some make me feel worse. One even rubs it in and sometimes, I even suspect she gloats.
I was one of the first to enter the workforce because I chose to study + work. Back then, everybody talked about how school sucked, and how lucky people in the workforce (i.e. me) were. And when some graduated, it became a competition of Whose Life Sucks More. I bet the rest will be singing different tunes in the months ahead. But it's too bad. I'm too tired with my own problems to care about others'. And sometimes (and Karma is so going to get me for this), why should I?

Oh and dear Gloater. This is not a permanent thing. Gloat while you can. Hahaha. I mean if you really wanna be such a sociopath then it's your business lah.


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