Friday, November 29, 2013

Drastic Haircuts, Never Again.

I've never realised how many mirrors an average shopper comes across every hour until yesterday when I was out shopping with a friend and came across like, a trillion mirrors. Oh boy. My hair. And it's not like I can rebond it now because it's at that annoying stage where it'll curl at the collarbone.

And just to set the record straight - if you're a new reader, the recent blog entries don't really reflect what I'm like usually.

Like, yesterday I was Christmas shopping and for some reason I didn't buy what I intended to and headed to another shopping destination. And then I was in that state of mind where I just HAD TO GET IT because NOTHING MUST GO WRONG, so I rushed back before closing.

And when I saw that they weren't on the shelves anymore, I almost lost it. Which thinking back, is pretty amusing. My friend didn't think so, she was shocked.

The most frustrating thing is that when I'm feeling lousy (and I don't remember EVER feeling lousy- maybe that's why), nobody ever takes me seriously because they think I'm kidding.

I've never had buck luck that I can remember, and I think this month's going to be on my mind for at least a year. Anyway, now that everything is over (I hope), I think well I can handle stuff on my own. And most people I know can jolly well handle their own problems too. I ain't gonna be the fairy godmother who sprinkles magical "make people see the light and feel better" dust all the time.

And ooooh I'm going to trim my forest of eyebrows tomorrow morning, yay! And I just watched 2 Narnia movies in one sitting. And uncountable Ellen Show YouTube Videos. I swear, those are addictive, especially those with emotion-charged giveaways and kids! OMG I LOVE WATCHING ELLEN SO SO SO MUCH AND every time someone asks Who's your favourite celebrity, she's usually the first to come to mind! I've loved watching her show since I was like, 16 and she had long-ish hair and okay I'll stop gushing now.

Just won 2 contests this week so perhaps it's a sign of better things to come! And Monday will be my first day at my new job, I hope to be one of the most brilliant writers they've ever had! :D

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

What Makes Me Happy

Well so it's been pretty obvious that I haven't been in the best of moods recently. And you know what always makes me feel better? "Thank you + smile". I am very desperate for smiles from strangers, I know hahaha.

Today, I was at IKEA and the doormat that I am, one of my favourite parts of going to IKEA is opening doors for people who carry lotsssss of stuff.

So I was just about to enter the building,  and that couple could have (albeit not so easily) managed by themselves but I was like ' I HAVE TO GET A SMILE AND THANK YOU TODAY!!!"

And I did. It was so easy!! :D
Ooh, it happened (unintentionally) again when I left the building. DOUBLE JOY HOHO.

Anyway, here're some random shots of my life.

Popsicle for you? And what's best about this is that I can make whatever flavour I fancy - from fruit juice to Ribena to Milo, and if you like, plain water.

I won a contest! I've always loved Kiehl's products but they've always been out of my wallet's range. And lucky me, I chanced upon a contest called the Ultimate Loyalist Contest. Obviously I wasn't really the 'Ultimate Loyalist" because the winner had like, hundreds of dollars worth of Kiehl's in her vanity shelf. I won the consolation prize though! :D

You know how I love soft toys, but never bought them because I wanna save money? I've been 'visiting' these two regularly for MONTHS, and sadly.... People bought them. I hope you find good homes :(

But it's ok! I found new cuties to visit!! :D

Some time this month, I managed to stomach all of these. Am I cool or what.

Let me end this post with how much I miss my long hair okay bye.


Oh, I woke from a lovely dream today. Awesome warm bubbly feeling. I know it's never going to happen in real life, so I hope I get more dreams like this! I don't want to sound like a discontented prick, but can I have this dream like this at least once a week? Hahaha.  :)

When you're down and out, you've got only one direction in life. UP.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Hello again!


Here I am , writing another loooong loooooong essay. I don't know what's wrong with me these days. I feel like I am a failure at everything! And I loathe uncertainties. Oh, I hate waiting too. Still smarting over missing my exam and having to wait another 6 months (and if it fail that, it'll be an additional year). Then maybe I should just cease existing.

I think a lot of it is my fault also lah. I've always been so driven and disciplined, but I let myself relax that LITTLE bit, and this is what happens. I will never slack off again, even a little. Met up with J, the only person in a (somewhat) same situation as me and able to keep a level head, and I realised that maybe all these... all these happen for a reason.

I've always thought this 'everything happens for a reason' = stupid excuse for stupid people. But sometimes, things really happen for a reason. Like how I applied for a degree in Counselling and was rejected, and then offered this course that I love. :)

A few years ago, I got mixed up with some shallow and judgemental.. episodes, and there was this period of time I got disillusioned with life and thought my life goal was to be a counsellor/social worker/ something who travels around the world to help people. A place where nobody cared about weight, hair, clothes.... Of course I still want to do that - later in life, when I've equipped myself with more life experience. But I've always wanted to be a writer, and I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME THEN. Seriously. 19 years of sheltered life in the city, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life in some undeveloped countryside Making The World a Better Place. I think, if I was allowed to go on that track, I'd have been a burden to the team instead HAHAHA.

I don't know who left this comment. But thank you. Thank you so much. Not gonna let them darn setbacks win! You know it's like one of those Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader thing. Oh right. not everybody's a nerd like me. It's like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. When Harry and You-Know-Who were duelling and their wands first met. And they were both trying their best to overcome the other. I AM GOING TO BE HARRY POTTER AND PUSH ALL THE SETBACKS BACK INTO THEIR BEHINDS.

I'm sorry I don't have anything nice to write about. You know, I'm the girl who people always whine to. Just because 'thank you! I feel so much better every time I talk to you! :D"

But when I need to whine, nobody likes to respond. Or don't know how to respond. Or are too busy with their own problems. Some will turn the conversation into how They Are The Most Unfortunate People In The World. Some make me feel worse. One even rubs it in and sometimes, I even suspect she gloats.
I was one of the first to enter the workforce because I chose to study + work. Back then, everybody talked about how school sucked, and how lucky people in the workforce (i.e. me) were. And when some graduated, it became a competition of Whose Life Sucks More. I bet the rest will be singing different tunes in the months ahead. But it's too bad. I'm too tired with my own problems to care about others'. And sometimes (and Karma is so going to get me for this), why should I?

Oh and dear Gloater. This is not a permanent thing. Gloat while you can. Hahaha. I mean if you really wanna be such a sociopath then it's your business lah.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

You Will Not Read This Post

Super wordy posts these days, but nobody reads this rubbish anyway so I'll just type like, anyhow. And not watch my grammar, tenses, whatever. I have a post about yet another adversity in my drafts, but not sure if I'm going to publish it. If you've been reading my blog you'd have realised that I've had quite a few (uncharacteristic) crying jags and a lot, a lot of feeling lost and hopeless.

I am really not a pessimistic person, but it seems like everything is going downhill this month. I don't know why everything is happening all at once, and I don't know if it'll persist, and if it does, I don't know how if I'll lose my mind or something. I push myself so, so much but it seems like I'll never be where I want to be. And then I continue pushing and yeah, here's where I am now - on the verge of giving up trying, because, hey, there're only so many blows one can take within a month.

I hope to be brilliant or special someday, but at the very least, I hope to be Not Lousy.

This month, I realised that trying too hard can make everything backfire and explode in my face. Just like how I stressed over my job, interviews, some other stuff, then stats exam (which always kills 1/2the cohort), and I was gunning for an A+ in another exam. And I get horrible nightmares when I get too stressed. The exam preparation.... all went down the drain. BECAUSE I GOT STOMACH FLU AND GASTRITIS. Which came along with fever and Niagara Falls-Worthy vomiting spells. I don't even get it. I've never gotten stomach flu. I refused to go out. It was like a freaking self-imposed house arrest AND I GOT STOMACH FLU ON SUCH AN IMPORTANT WEEK? How is that even possible?

I was watching How I Met Your Mother (again), and there was this episode about "Last Words". Sometimes I think about morbid things when I am depressed, and this is one of those times. There are a lot of things on my bucket list I haven't fulfilled. I'm not going to talk about my bucket list because well, if I don't fulfil them before passing on, it would be a terrible embarrassment.

But I can tell you about the things that I always fantasise about! I've always dreamt of going overseas! The reason I'm not saying 'travelling' is because 'travelling' seems like I wanna go to some faraway country on long haul flights, like Greece or USA or London, Paris or something. I am not greedy

One day, I will write a pretend blog about my adventures in places I've always wanted to go! Those are places my friends go (and always invite me but I can't go boohoo). I'm sure I can write very convincingly HAHAHA. I'll write about crazy shopping sprees in Bangkok, lazing on a clear, pristine beach in the Philippines, renting a nice villa with a private pool in Bali/Langkawi/Batam, OH and going there via FERRY!!! Maldives would be awesome too! And I am going to learn Photoshop so that I can kope their photos and overlay my photos hahahaha.

Sometimes I look at my friends' holiday photos a lot in hopes that I'll dream about them (the holiday destinations, not my friends, sorry :X) but it never happens!

I'm sorry I can't go to those places but dear friends if you read this and if I die before you, you can get my ashes and split them and scatter them in those places!! And then you can type R.I.P on Facebook (if Facebook still exists then) and feel very sincere! Korea and Japan is fine too!!

I guess that's all before I burst into tears.

I sincerely hope everybody else is doing well in life, and there will be more ups than downs for you!

I am going to cry

This Monday, I was suddenly plagued with something I've never experienced. Woke up with fever. And then I felt so horrible, even sleeping was a problem. And then I puked and oh my goodness I had no idea I could pack so much inside me. I swear, it was like Niagara Falls or something.

Tuesday? Well I guess I must have been alive on Tuesday, since I'm here typing. But I have no recollection Tuesday AT ALL.

Finally dragged myself to the doctor's today (Wednesday). I have no idea how I managed to walk there, but I did consider begging cyclists on the road to give me a lift to the clinic :X

Turned out to be stomach flu, and I've never had stomach flu. To make things worse, it later turned into gastritis pfffft. How could it not? I haven't been able to eat anything since Monday. I don't even know what I answered when my parents spoke to me because it was like my soul ran away or something.

I ended up not turning up for exams today. I could hardly get out of bed. How was I supposed to take a 1 hour bus ride to school and then sit for exams? I've got A+ grades for all the assignments for this module. I worked so hard for this, and now I have to wait another YEAR to retake the exam. 
I pushed myself so hard for this and also the (bloody) stats exam. It's all I have been working on these two months - and I even refused to hang out with my friends! And then I got really stressed with my job search. Which could have been what got me sick and I think it's so unfair! :(

I'm now kicking myself because I COULD HAVE GONE TO THE DOCTOR STRAIGHTAWAY. And then recovered on Tuesday (if you can recover from stomach flu within a day, that is), and gone to school to take the exam today.

Sigh.... Now I'll have to graduate 6 months later. All the hard work for nothing.

Like I said, trial after trial after trial.
Not even a second of a breather. But like someone commented in my previous blog entry, I CAN'T LET THESE SETBACKS WIN.

Sometimes I think if it's because I am a bad person. But I have really, really tried my best to be a good person, can't I get a bit of credit for that?

All these hard work for nothing. I am so very tired and I wonder when I'll be truly happy.

And also... I won't be able to graduate with my friends!!!

On the bright side, I got a job I've been dreaming about since I was 12. Please, please let this go well because I don't think I can take any more setbacks!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Kids nowadays

Today, I saw a toddler operate a Kindle with so much swag, I almost melted in embarrassment. I have never once touched a Kindle, and it's been only a year since my first smartphone (which I won in a creative writing contest, yay!) 

And then I was looking at the mirror and mourning over my (former) long hair. But really, that's a mistake I HAD to make. It would be a mistake not to make that mistake because if I don't snip most of my hair off, I'll always be like "what if I did?" I lost you right there, didn't I? And that's already the summarised version. 

Oh and how do hair and lucky 21st Century kids relate? I was looking at my hair and I remembered how my friends, after graduating at 12 years old, my friends and I went through a "mass rebellion" by growing out out hair. We thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Actually, I still do. Hahaha.

If there's one school rule I'll never understand, it'll be the "long hair is prohibited" one. And before you say anything, "long hair" meant hair that touches your collar. Which, if you think about it, means that your hair has to be ABOVE the bottom of your ears.

I mean, I totally understand the importance of looking neat in your school
Uniform. But hair touching the collar was a bit too much, no? Some schools have the "just below the collar" rule. Anyway I guess long hair was seen as a frivolous "luxury", which was pretty ironic because my mother had to fork out $8 for each haircut (and so OFTEN because well, how much shorter can it go?). 

And nope, tying up my hair wasn't an option because only dancers were permitted to do that. Not that it was entirely bad because not many 7-year olds those days could handle long hair lah. No "3 Minute Fishtail Braid" YouTube Tutorials then hahaha. Just saying this in case people ask "cannot leave long hair and then tie up neatly meh?"

I was looking back for typos and HAHAHA. To answer your question, no I did not attend military school. Though we all had identical hairstyles hahaha. And think I'd have turned out tougher if I did. 

And I don't know the point of this post either. Haha. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

I can't do this anymore

Test after test, trial after trial. 

Trials make you stronger. But when they come at you non-stop, it's so tiring. Not even a breather. If it was something I could control with my own effort and determination, I'll fight until I win. 

But who can fight against nature? 

I kinda know why villains with in superhero flicks move to the dark side now. 

But it's ok. Maybe I'm just atoning for my sins in my past life as an evil, evil person. And SHUT UP BECAUSE IF YOU KNEW THIS SECRET OF MINE YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU EVER ACCUSED ME OF WHINING.

I should work on stopping the cycle now but I am so, so tired, and all I want to do is just.... Forget that I exist. 

Monday, November 4, 2013

I AM A PEOPLE PERSON!! (And Drastic Haircut!)

Who would have thought it. HAHA.
But meeting more people has made me realise that people see me as a "people person".
I didn't realise it until somebody mentioned it outright. Then I gave a humble smile HAHAHA.

About time. I'm the late bloomer for everything but you know what? Better now than never! :D
I don't wanna complain too much about being a Late Bloomer because what if I become a Never Bloomer, right? If you get what I mean.

Anyway you know what? I was feeling really lousy last month so I  got my hairdresser Dylan to snip 4 inches of hair. He was a bit reluctant coz I've always been all "CUT A BIT ONLY PLEASEEEEE. Coz very heavy. RMB DON'T TOO SHORT AH!!! "

But I was so adamant, he had no choice and OMG MY HEAD HAS NEVER FELT SO.. LIGHT. If you've been reading my blog, you'll remember that I have 5 times as much hair as others. On the head I mean. I have no leg hair, and I don't know why.

OH HEY. NO LEG HAIR. That's something I like about myself!! I have one more thing on my list now, isn't life amazing! :D

Here's the first time I've had short hair since I was 18. I don't care if anyone doesn't like me because I LOVE IT AND IT'S MY HAIR. Oh look at how far I've come. Hahaha aren't you proud of me?

And I'll try to smile more next time, but you see, smiling makes my nose look larger. And you may have already guessed from my blog URL that I have Nose Issues. HAHA. But ok I'll smile more. Because I'm looking at the two expressions at the bottom, and I suddenly feel like punching myself.
Which smile do you like best? I like the one with teeth! :D