Monday, August 19, 2013

Living in Fear Every Single Day

I don't mean to be melodramatic, but I live in fear, every single day. From insects, I mean. Creepy crawlies, usually beetles, moths, lizards, and sometimes cockroaches. I mean, I could take a piece of tissue paper out of the box, and a lizard could spring right out. Lizards like dark places, right? It could be resting on the soft, smooth, first layer of tissue paper and when you take it out..... BWARHHHH ATTACK!!!!!!

Or, I could take a storybook from my shelf and a lizard could fall on my face.

Maybe, a beetle could just come charging at me when I'm holding hot tea.

I am now frantically (and fine, irrationally)  Googling things like "How to seem unattractive to lizards", "How to repel cockroaches". On a quest  to make my room as unappealing to them as possible!

But really, this is a never-ending battle, but I WILL FIGHT ON.

And what brought about this post? A lizard in one of my cabinets. I slammed the door shut immediately, and all can think of now is it coming out at night and creeping all over me OMG *paranoia sets in* I FEEL TICLKLISH EVERYWHERE ALREADY.

Sometimes, I have this theory that all insects are on a secret mission to get me.
*wails in despair* W-W-WHYYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEE



 
By the way, if you're interested, here's a story I wrote from a lizard's point of view a long time ago. I know I get overly dramatic sometimes around insects. One day, I got bored, and wondered what goes on in insects' minds when they see me freak out.
 
 
 
 


 
WHAT LIZARDS REALLY THINK OF HUMANS

 
*trivia:
Did you know "How to Lure a Lizard out of Hiding" gets you  7,290,000 results on Google? Just thought I'd share.


That pink-worshipping bimbo whose room I'm living in is The Best Comedy Act of The Year. We officially met for the first time last week, and my, that girl can run. She could be the female version of Usain Bolt. And that set of lungs would make Adele jealous.

Honestly, she must think I'm the Loch Ness Monster lying in wait to have her for lunch or something. I mean, she's like, 5 feet tall, and I'm just a tiny baby lizard. Which may be why she got so startled. Because I couldn't stick to the wall properly, and almost landed on her when I fell. Her fault. That screaming.... human.

 
She's being really ridiculous now. I'm on the ceiling, looking at her, and she's going around telling everyone about how she doesn't dare to reach into her wardrobe until she sees my dead body.

HAHAHA GET A LOAD OF THIS. She's using an 8 foot long pole to get her clothes. This should really be on Just For Gags. If I had a video camera now, she could totally get famous overnight. YouTube Star, anyone?

I think she watches a lot of television. She's brandishing her flashlight at her cabinet and switching it off and on. Now she's screaming:
 
"GET OUT LIZARD. I HATE YOU. I"M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU LAND ON ME OUT OF THE BLUE."

 
What follows is hilarious.
She moved her flashlight in crazy motions and...
"YOU ARE BEING SURROUNDED. GET OUT RIGHT NOW."


Talk about good  first impressions.

Anyway, the next day, the saga resumed. I don't know what's so scary about me. I mean, I don't bite, I'm not poisonous. For goodness sake. I eat flies and mosquitoes! That's like, public service. I feel like one of the most underappreciated living organisms in the world. :(

 
I've never seen someone so ill at ease in her own room. Why, just yesterday she saw a shadow (guess she thought it was me), and bolted out of the room. Returned with a swatter and a bottle of insecticide.

I may be a baby, but I know her type. As well-equipped as she appears to be, chances are that she'll drop everything and run if she sees me.

Her comical little antics are getting boring so.... I'm off! I can't stand her favourite colour anyway. Oh why can't lizards buy video cameras :(

1 comment:

Furree Katt said...

Hahaha! I loved your little story!

And while I'm not scared of all insects, a few of them really make me jump in terror and shudder in disgust. Such as...

FLYING COCKROACHES.

UGH!