I HATE BEING UGLY.
You know, I always say that nobody is ugly. I actually mean, nobody except for me lah. And then I get all worked up when Bitchface goes around calling everybody (even cover models) ugly because the word 'ugly' is very sensitive. And then I imagine her talking about me. Though I reckon she doesn't because I treat her decently and I'm not worth her time anyway. HAHA.
Don't even tell me "LOOK AT *so-and-so* who is worse off* because this is MY blog and I am talking about MY appearance and this is MY tirade to perform to vent MY frustration.
I realise there has to be some kind of hierarchy in the world, and everyone is meant to be talented at something unique (but you gotta admit, being talented at being pretty is kinda lame). BUT I'M NOT GREEDY. NOT DEMANDING TO BE A RAVISHING BEAUTY. Can't all humans at least get to look.. pleasant?
And the survey I just did. I was just trying to be helpful and then they asked "what is the favourite part of yourself?" I mean besides my 5 senses and ability to move without assistance, there is really nothing much to like.
I am going to write about the things I don't like. I don't usually do this because writing about things which will put me in a bad light, and people will call me unappreciative. Which I don't deny I am, but hey, a girl needs to rant sometimes. Because this has been bothering me since I was 13 and I HAVE NEVER LET MYSELF REALLY TALK ABOUT IT.
Also, I don't really like to complain because I'm afraid that everything I have will be taken away from me, to make me realise how it feels to have your life REALLY suck. Because honestly, mine doesn't suck, I just feel moody occasionally :)
So I'll be writing about what I don't like about myself, and it's going to be like writing a
I have such a large head, I can't wear most hats. Helmets are a problem too and I have to request for the men's version. It's embarrassing and I feel so horrible. I don't even want to attend my convocation because I'm sure no hats come in my size. And it's not like I can go for a head reduction surgery.
I have frizzy hair that can't be dyed and require lots of straitening.
And my face. Oh the biggest concern of them all. Besides being as asymmetrical as a half-circle and half-rectangle can get, I have a huge face. Sometimes I wonder if my face can fit into a cinema screen. Not that anybody would want to see me on screen, haha
There is a bald spot on my left eyebrow because of chicken pox. I don't mind this too much though.
And I don't know why, but one eye is bigger than the other. My eyebags/lines/rings are legend-waitforit-dary. While most people have EITHER eye bags, fine lines, or dark eye circles, I have somehow managed to have at 3. And the dark part takes up more space than my eyes OMG. Oh, don't prick my eye bags or you'll DROWN in FAT. Or whatever liquid's in those bags.
My short lashes droop. And they are extra-heavy duty because no amount of mascara can save them. And they're so straight, they put rulers to shame.
My meaty nose. Saying that I look like Jackie Chan would be a compliment. My nose takes up 1/4 of my already ginormous face, and it looks like an equilateral triangle. Not asking for a skinny nose, an isosceles triangle would suffice.
And my jaw. Where do I even start? I need to start somewhere, because my jaw ends nowhere. I've got a square jaw. AND I AM A GIRL. My jawbone stretches so far back that it is in line with the back of my head. I can never tie up hair up in public.
Now, the chin. I don't think I should waste too much time talking about my chin because I have CHINS. Too many chins.
My neck. Wait. What neck? I have no neck.
Teeth. Well I'm one of the lucky ones who don't have to wear braces because my teeth are naturally straight. But I can't really smile properly because my teeth are too small. Even the dentist told me that my teeth were too short for someone my age :S
Sometimes, my lips look like some (non-existent) half-baked doctor injected too much fillers/collagen into it. And when I don't make the effort, my lips turn downwards and I look like a sulky little b*tch.
Speaking of sulky b*tches, I have frown lines too. Put that together with manly jaw, downturned mouth and voila, you've got Shu Rin... the BIG sulky b*tch!!! *applause*
Oh I KNOW I LIKE MY EARS! THEY DON'T STICK OUT. :D
Well this is a first. Surprisingly, I'm stumped! Because my arms, boobs are ok and my tummy has always been somewhat flat. I just hate the many scars.
And my ribs stick out a bit because when I had spine surgery, we didn't think I could take the agony of bone extractions both in front and behind. Imagine metal rod in in your back + removal of wing bone + removal of rib, and basically just shifting your skeletal make-up. So not fun.
If I removed that rib I'd have to have a breathing support - like a tube sticking out of my chest. As much as I want to be beautiful, I'm not sorry about my protruding rib. Sometimes people see it and go "OMG YOU ARE SO SKINNY EVEN YOUR RIBS ARE STICKING OUT". Then I'll smile humbly but an shuang HAHAHA. But the truth's that my top's too tight hahaha.
And yes, my hunchback problem got so bad that unlike other kids, I had to go for surgery ASAP.
But then again the surgery was ok because I'm not a such a huge crybaby about pain anymore. :) But sometimes people piss me off a lot when they complain about cuts and blisters lie the world is ending.
Oh I know. I have short, stubby and not-graceful-looking fingers.
You. Don't. Even. Want. To. Read. About. My. Massive Thighs. I have no thigh gap so they chafe a lot. When I sit down, my thighs look like one of the Seven Continents.
My legs are so short. Together with the Massive Thighs, I look like I have Square Blocks for legs.
My butt is so huge, I have problems putting on jeans, pants, shorts. It's a wonder why I'm not on the national wrestling team. And IT STICKS OUT SOOOOO MUCH. There should be 8 Wonders of the World, the 8th being my butt.
My knees are.. don't know. They look like canned tuna. With a lot of dark soya sauce.
Calves are fine. But I have Fat Ankles so you can't see the bones. And protruding bones at the (in)sides of my feet. So I need to buy shoes with a lot of support at the side. BONES AH. YOU ALL PROTRUDE AT THE WRONG PLACE LEH.
If you think you're an expert at Chuck Norris jokes, I am a Grandmaster at "I'm Ugly" jokes!!
Bye this is a long post and only like 5 people will bother to read it hahahaha.
Reading this again, some of my rants are pretty funny, but you've got no idea how horrible I've felt some occasions this past decade. It can get really overwhelming at times. Sometimes I don't know what I ever did to get all these when some beautiful people do the most awful things with their lives, and here I am, stuck for the next 70 years in such an ugly shell, which is uglier than most people but I can't talk about it.
And yes, I know a lot of people would rather be me. And why do good people get sick, anyway? Why do girls get acid thrown at them when all they did was to go help the less fortunate? I'll write another post about what I'm thankful about, will that be fine? But that would be like writing dictionaries in all languages because there's sooooooo much :D