Sometimes I really think nobody will attend my funeral if I die :(

Hi here is a hugeeeee photo of me staring out at you from your screen.
Because I need you to remember how I look like because I probably won't be on this space much until the end of May because I've got exams. Firstly, I haven't really started revision even though exams are 4 days away (eeeeeek), and second, this time I've got a shot at getting into the honour roll. Had a bigger shot until I decided to slack off for the final 2 assignments, damn. But hey, as I'm writing now, I've realised my folly, and perhaps this can serve as a wake-up call!
I don't know why, but there's something about this photo I like. Maybe it's because it looks ok on almost every Instagram filter. But here's one which makes my record-winning, gigantic looking nose less... prominent.
I know, right? I have an unhealthy obsession about my nose. Wait till you hear me complain about my thighs and butt. HAHA.

And this is random but sometimes I see my ex-classmates getting married and they have so many guests. All smiling, clapping, and dressed to the nines. Like, a few hundred people.  It always seems like just yesterday when we took silly photos with scary faces and set it as each other's laptop wallpaper when they were away. Or when we unceremoniously ate someone else's sweets. Or many, many childish and fun things.
And then I get all Emo-Nemo and think that I wouldn't even have 20 people at my funeral. 10 may be difficult too. And then I'll think even more and wonder if there's like... a funeral guest renting agency so that you know, I won't look so....alone. But actually I don't want a funeral because I really doubt anyone but my parents and sister will bother to attend.
I just want my ashes thrown into the sea (preferably some clear, blue one). Then I don't have to worry about my grave looking flowerless and totally covered with overgrown grass. And I'm trying to think of what people would say for my eulogy but I really can't think of anything significant. Actually sometimes I wonder why my friends even like me.
And (touch wood) if I die in some high profile freak accident, journalists are going to have a tough time because there is really nothing remotely interesting or nice about me. Neither do I accomplished anything wonderful, other than always having essays photocopied as model compos for exam revision in secondary. Neither extremely popular nor charismatic. Not very pretty too. So journalists cannot say describe how I look. Poor things. And... I really cannot think of anything nice to say about myself. Neither can other people, I'm sure. I mean, I cannot imagine anybody calling me a Shining Beacon of Light. Or the Life of the Party. Or always making people laugh. Sorry in advance. :( Maybe you can write about how my nose can be the 8th Wonder of the World? Or standard la. The Reserved, Bespectacled girl with Great Dreams of Striking Toto. That is really the best I can think of
Ok that's enough morbid thoughts for today. And I should stop de-marketing myself HAHAHA. Exam stress sure does weird things to people!

Bye I don't think anybody reads my rubbish thoughts, but then again, I didn't think anybody watched my self-improvement videos. And then I realised some of my friends like Judith and April watch all them and comment even though it's not like erm... marketed for watching. Thank you for thinking I am significant enough HAHA because 99% of the time I think I'm the most insignificant and uninteresting person in the world and if I were to go missing, nobody would ever notice. So thank you Lydia for texting me to ask why I seemed to have gone MIA HAHAHA at least I have one.   


Anonymous said…
This made me sad.

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