Attack of the Clipboard Aliens

This is gonna be really exaggerated because I am so DAMN PISSED. Story of my life.

I think I have the kind of face which ASKS for it. No one I know get approached by The Clipboard Monsters as much. I don't mean those people campaigning for donations. They aren't nearly as irksome. I'm just against pests who INSIST that I need another savings account or insurance plan.

Those are the people who go out all to hunt you down during rush hour and lunch breaks. They are predators hunting for their prey. The more vulnerable looking (whatever their assesment criteria is), the better. They spot you from afar, their line of focus zeros in on you and then.. you're the ONLY OBJECT in their line of vision. One motive. To deprive you of any hope of escape.

You have no choice but to walk towards them as they are right smack in the middle of your path. You do everything you can to avoid eye contact. You rummage through your bag frantically, pretending that you've lost something. You speed up your pace. You try to hide amonst other commuters. As a last resort, u put your phone against your ear even though you are not really on a call ( this does work sometimes).

Those vulture-like creatures never give up. With their approachable, sweet and gracious-looking smiles, which, after years of experience, you know are all a farce, a front to make them more attractive to their prey.

You have to stop, because there is no way to avoid those superly-enthusiastically-persistant people like how you can't avoid a hungry mosquito without killing it. You waste at least 15 minutes (whatever happened to 'hey got a minute to spare?') 'listening' to someone going on and on and on at bullet-train speed about something you don't understand/don't need.

You tell them that you're in a rush, but they have no inkling of what 'busy' or 'rush' means. They fact that you don't NEED something just eludes their minds like how light reflects from those safety reflector board things along the road at night.

You're still not interested. They insist that you give them your contact details and set a date to meet them again. You say no. You apologise and say, "I'm so sorry, I really don't think this is for me". Maybe you look like you are about to snap. Maybe their thirst for someone else's precious time (you know how vampires thirst for blood) has been quenched. They finally let you go, but not without leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

Okay so this was what just happened. When I get accosted by The Clipboard Monsters, 99% of the time I am too afraid to apologise and walk away when they refuse to let me go even after repeated protests of 'I'm sorry, I'm busy'. BECAUSE, WHEN I WALKAWAY, THEY FOLLOW ME UNTIL I LET THEM RECITE ALL THE RUBBISH THEY WANT. I've tried Curt tones, blank faces, piercing glares, everything.

Never works. It sucks to be timid.

So I was feeling pretty desperate yesterday. I spotted one Clipboard Monster approaching a group of men. He smiled politely and let them go when they refused. Then he set his eyes on me (damn). Started walking towards me. I said said 'sorry', lowered my head, and HURRIED away. I know that wasn't the most polite thing to do. As I walkd away, he shouted:" MISS I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING YET". And after 3 seconds, he said 'BYEBYE' in an INFURIATING tone. EMBARRASSING

Ermm.... not letting you say anything was the WHOLE POINT, actually. I'm fully aware that once I allow you to utter ONE word, I'll have to spend 15 minutes letting you talkabout something which I'm gonna reject anyway. Time wastage on both sides. Anyway, why shout at me and not at that group of grown men? Ball-less freak.

Well at least I didn't get it as bad as others where the Clipboard Monsters' vocabulary of vularities are....

The feeling of trepidation I get during these encounters is dreadful . You really have no idea. I am the kind of girl who takes the stairs if I have to wait more than 3 minutes for the lift. I'm really particular when it comes to time. Everyone else i know is okay with brushing them away but but I really find it impossible, and the feeling sucks!!!



Popular posts from this blog


Remember these local TV Productions from the 90s?

[Guiness World Records Attempt] Massive Robot Balloon Sculpture invades Singapore!